Tuesday, August 25, 2009

The Story of Boon and Lynn Jamie Yeo - I once knew a couple that everyone thought was a match made in heaven. Boon (not his real name of course) was

The Story of Boon and Lynn
Jamie Yeo -
I once knew a couple that everyone thought was a match made in heaven. Boon (not his real name of course) was handsome, sweet, sensitive and committed while Lynn (not her real name) was stunning, sexy and successful. On the outside, they seem so happy. Lynn would "complain" about how Boon showed her up constantly by being so much nicer to her parents then she was, while Boon would jokingly tell his friends that Lynn was so successful and made so much money he could be a "househusband" one day. A few months after they got engaged, they broke up. And that's when the accusations flew.
Lynn was too materialistic for Boon. Boon was too weak for Lynn. Lynn was too controlling. Boon was too nice. Lynn was too ambitious for Boon. Boon was too unmotivated for Lynn. Lynn was a bitch. Boon was such a sweetie. Lynn was too headstrong, too stubborn, too proud, too shallow, too vain, too conceited, too this and too that!

How many times have we heard that story? Loving Singaporean couple on the outside but if you dig deeper, you'd find the poor guy wrapped around the girl's manicured little finger.

Singaporean women have lots and lots of wonderful qualities, and certainly more good ones than bad. However, this week's blog topic forces me to pick on our bad traits which has really given me a headache. I mean, I'm really having to rack my brain here! Because I think it's so obvious that SG women are just so much better than SG men and it's not just me being biased! But OK, if we had to point out our flaws, I'd say we are too independent, too headstrong, too ambitious, too materialistic, and sometimes too picky. We need to lower our standards both living and social. We need to not look for everything in a man and settle down with what we have.

We need to let them, SG men, take care of us. They'd like that. SG men are very caring. Not only are they caring, but they're pretty hardworking too. Most of them are very filial having been mothered by Mommy since they were a baby, so chances are they'd love and respect our parents too which is always very nice. Most SG men are very sweet yes.

SG men are very responsible too. Most of them would gladly undertake the responsibilities of providing well for the family, a trait that is intrinsically what we women want and hope for in a life partner.

Having gone through National Service means that most of our men are quite fit as well, which is always a plus. NS makes SG men real men!

The best of Singaporean men far outweigh the worst, I say. I'm simply not worthy.

Give Them a Chance, Singaporean Men Are Often Under-Rated! Dawn Yang - Singaporean men can cook! Many Singaporean guys I know are pretty decent i

Give Them a Chance, Singaporean Men Are Often Under-Rated!
Dawn Yang -
Singaporean men can cook!



Many Singaporean guys I know are pretty decent in the kitchen and can whip up great meals. Puts me to shame ^_^ What's sexier than a man preparing a loving meal for you?
Singaporean men are decent

Compared to many foreign men I know/met, local men usually have more sound moral values, take their relationships more seriously, and are more family-oriented.



Singaporean men pamper their partners.
They are more inclined to treat their women like princesses. It is not always about materialistic things either - they play less games, will call you everyday, spoil you, make sure you are taken care of etc. Many of my Singaporean exes would do little things for me that showed they care, such as insisting to help me run my errands when I am busy, or surprising me with my favorite food from faraway despite a long drive. Platonic Singaporean guy friends too, usually make sure the ladies get home safe, and treat the fairer sex with a larger dose of chivalry.



That's not to say foreign men can't be sweet too, they certainly exist out there. However a complaint I've heard from many Asian girlfriends residing abroad is that many foreign men are generally more commitment-phobic, more flirtatious, have greater propensity to cheat, play games often, and they desire too much independence and space. After living in New York and observing the dating scene and behavior of men there, I can kind of attest to that fact!

Singaporean men know good food & Singlish!

From a personal perspective, it is nice to share a common cultural background. You can enjoy durians together without fearing a pukefest, talk cock sing song in local colloquial slangs with perfect understanding, exchange stories about common friends in our island's small social circles, empathize when each other is being kiasu.

Majority of Singaporean men may not be as passionate as the Spanish, romantic as the French, as well-dressed as the Japanese, or witty as the Americans, but many have their own down-to-earth charms. Hidden gems are waiting to be discovered :)
As for the worst in Singaporean women......

I reckon many place too much emphasis on the 5Cs (car, condo, credit card, cash, country club) when looking for a partner. Yup, but then again, there are materialistic women sucking blood the world over, not just in Singapore. A lot of local women also seem to be bitchy, gossipy, and backstabbing - probably a result of our small "village" society and the poppy syndrome cultivated from our competitive upbringing.

Another thing that perhaps might matter more to the men is... Singaporean women don't take care of their appearance as much as others? Compared to the more vainpot ladies in countries like Thailand, Japan and Korea, majority don't really bother to dress up, do our hair, put on makeup and look their best possible. That's why when guys talk about beauties, countries like Japan and Taiwan are usually first to come to their minds.

Other than that, I can't profess to think up any other terrible quality of Singaporean women. We are cosmopolitan, intelligent, ambitious, can hold our own, and possess a nice blend of Asian submissiveness and modern career woman sensibilities! :)

The best of Singaporean men and the worst of Singaporean women Bitching about Singaporean women Sheylara - This is a tough one. I sat down an

The best of Singaporean men and the worst of Singaporean women

Bitching about Singaporean women
Sheylara -
This is a tough one. I sat down and thought about all the men I've gone out with. I thought about all the men I know. And I found that I couldn't with confidence say what's great about them that I can't find in men of other nationalities.
They are all different. They all have different strengths and weaknesses. I couldn't think of a single great quality that defines them as Singaporean.

So I turned to a friend for help.

This friend, it turns out, knows all about this topic. He says that there are Singapore-based Internet forums where guys go to bitch about women. These men talk about how great they (Singaporean men) are and how horrible Singaporean women are.

Well, the horror of that.

Maybe there are similar forums where women bitch about men.

The good news is that my discussion with my friend was very enlightening. He pointed out the good qualities of Singaporean men which I hadn't considered.

It was enlightening in an unexpected way. I realised that there are good stuff about Singaporean men which we take for granted because, maybe, we won't know better if we've never dated foreigners to tell the difference.

Singaporean men are a respectful bunch. They respect their elders, they respect social boundaries and they respect their partners as intellectual equals. They care for the family and go to great lengths to ensure their loved ones have everything they need.

They patiently pander to the whims of their girlfriends and wives, and allow them to have their own careers and to be individuals, instead of expecting them to stay home to cook, clean and make babies. Singaporean men are happy to do their fair share of household chores.

Also, Singaporean men are responsible and honest, believing that it's very important to keep to their words.

While I agree with all that, I must qualify that these are generalisations. There are Singaporean men who don't display these traits and there are foreigners who do. But I guess a large part of the Singapore male population do fall in those generalisations.

And now, the nasty on Singaporean women.

I said to my friend, "I know this one! Singaporean women are materialistic."

My friend said, "No."

According to him, the materialism in Singaporean women isn't widespread enough. There are plenty of Singaporean women who are happy with the simple things in life and don't demand to be covered in brands from head to toe.

So, what's wrong with Singaporean women?

Singaporean women are spoilt, in a nutshell. They want to have it all. They want to have an independent life and pursue their own careers. And then they want to go home at the end of the day and have their men pamper them and satisfy their every need.

In the same vein, Singaporean women don't care for their partners the way men really crave to be cared for. Men want to pampered, too. They want to be made to feel like king of the world but Singaporean women can't offer that.

Instead, Singaporean women take their caring Singaporean men for granted and continue to demand more without giving back equally.

That's why so many Singaporean men dream of buying Vietnamese brides or hooking up with PRC girls.

Oh, and Singaporean women get really bitchy when they gossip, especially about other women.

Again, these are generalisations, which I normally don't like to make, but then I had to write this. And bear in mind that I wasn't asked to write about bad qualities of men and good qualities of women, which makes this entry very unbalanced.

But it will probably make for some interesting arguments. Do you agree with what I said? If not, let the verbal war begin!

The best of Singaporean men and the worst of Singaporean women by Jane Lee

The best of Singaporean men and the worst of Singaporean women

"Nice guys exist so women can be bitches!"
Jane Lee -
Over the weekend, I conducted a long-distance straw poll among five of my best male buddies who wouldn't be too taken aback at my weird, slightly belligerent question:
"Tell me what's so great about yourself."

So it turns out that most Singaporean men (if my bunch of buddies are any indication), have a pretty great impression of themselves (I'm inclined to agree with these guys, if only to not find myself suddenly bereft of male friends after this blog goes up).

"Well, I think the best thing about me, is that I'm super reliable. You know, I turn up when I say I will, I don't blow people off and I'm trustworthy. I'd never cheat on a girl." says A, whose words were more or less echoed by the rest in some form or other.

"The best thing about me, is that I'm financially secure," says B. "I don't gamble, I make calculated investments, I have a good steady job, a good income, and I save."

C pulls out the filial card: "I'm a family guy. I'm respectful to my parents, I look after my two younger sisters (he worked to pay for their education in Australia too) and I'm always around for my family."

D is good looking, fit, and one of the most athletic people I know: "I think the best thing about me, is my lifestyle. I'm healthy, I work out almost every day. I'm in shape and I like being active."

"Heck, I'm not too sure what's super special about me", but I'm just a really nice guy you know." E has so many positive traits, he can't single one out. "I'm an all-round friendly guy, most people think I'm reliable and honest and I'm responsible you know. That's why I'm good with people and I'm good at my job..."

If my buddies are any indication at all, it seems that Singaporean men, in general, are reliable, financially secure, value relationships and are all-around nice guys.

So why is it that all five of my buddies are either chronically single or divorced? They're all educated up to at least a first degree, hold good jobs, they're fit and healthy with no disfiguring illnesses, two of them are just plain rich and one looks like he could model underwear for a living.

By all means, each of them should be considered a "good catch", yet they spend Valentine's Day either alone, or trying to cajole someone out.



After one too many "Lonely Hearts" sessions with these guys as their reluctant "fill in" date, I've formed the hypothesis that (some) Singaporean men are so good at their "good" traits, that there's ironically nothing exciting about them anymore. Everyone likes a reliable, trustworthy guy, but too much of that, and this fellow becomes staid, boring and predictable; the family guy who puts his family obligations first becomes a "mummy's boy"; and the financially dependable one ends up being an undesirable miserly figure who wouldn't spend on frivolities.

On the flipside, I have countless female acquaintances and friends of friends who aren't exactly the type that the average mother would be enamoured with. Simply put, they exhibit some of the worst traits of a female that I could imagine.

First of all, there's the group of chronic cheaters. It seems that one of the most deplorable traits about Singaporean women, is that when it comes to men and who they want to be with, they either can't make up their minds, or they want everyone out there. The chronic cheaters are girls who already have steady boyfriends (of years), but yet have a whole string of flings, one after another, to satisfy some apparent lack that their regular guy can't fulfil. And the amazing thing is that breaking up with their regular guy is out of the question, simply because he's such a reliable, family man (Note: Hear that, reliable, family men?) that he'd be a great investment for the future when marriage is eventually on the cards. One of these poor sods found out one day that his girl wasn't exactly true to him, but being so "nice", allowed her to have her fun if that would make her happy.

Closely related to "wanting it all" when it comes to men, the other cringe-worthy trait of some Singaporean women is their unashamed materialism. They want expensive, shiny things too. A pal of mine has a friend who insisted that her boyfriend work another job so he could upgrade his car to a fancier model because his current second-hand clunker wasn't swanky enough to be valet-parked outside Zouk or something. And then there's the one who got all miserable and upset because her birthday was ruined when her boyfriend bought her a silver necklace (even if it did come with an engraved pendant), because it came from Perlini's and not Tiffany's. Both girls eventually got what they wanted though, from what I hear. So somewhere out there is a poor guy who works two jobs to pay off the loan on a swanky coupe and another's got a huge bill from Tiffany's for a necklace that although made of the same material, cost ten times more.

And then, there's the insanely jealous control freak. These are the girls with deep-rooted anxieties that make the green-eyed monster a permanent fixture. I've personally lost at least two guy friends who have disappeared down the "girlfriend abyss", simply because "my girlfriend doesn't like me hanging out with other girls..."



And the crowning irony? There are Singaporean men out there who are more than willing to put up with these crazy cheating, materialistic and controlling traits, because all these girls I know, have (at least) one devoted partner.

Thinking about this blog topic that started out being more biased towards the men, I'm wondering who has the last laugh here.

The worst thing about Singaporean men, is that they're susceptible to be blinded by the flattery of a pretty girl paying them some short-term attention. And the best thing about Singaporean women, is that they're shrewd enough to suss out which guy will give them exactly what they want.

comment

Nice guys exist so women can be bitches. But when there's no longer reciprocity from the nice guy, those bitches are going no where.

Take a little animal experiment: If a monkey scratches another monkey's back, the nice guy would reciprocate. But if the other monkey doesn't reciprocate, then in future, no one would scratch his own back.

We are evolved creatures in this ecological world, and when mating is concern, nice guys still finish first.

Tuesday, April 3, 2007

Proposal

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